Why teachers ‘lose it’ in the classroom

Nearly every teacher has ‘lost it’ in the classroom, says Sue Cowley. It’s normal, though not terribly useful. Far better to keep calm and carry on...

If you think back to your own school days, I’m sure you can remember a teacher who was easy to wind up. Your classmates would harass this teacher, picking away at him again and again, until he had little option but to lash out. Like a pack of hyenas toying with their prey, your classmates knew exactly how to get the desired reaction. And when they did, it was like watching the Incredible Hulk come to life in front of your very eyes. (You, I’m sure, were the well-behaved child, sitting quietly at the back of the room, waiting to get on with the lesson.)

When I trained to be a teacher, one of the first bits of advice I got was ‘learn how to stay calm’. At first I dismissed this as common sense. Of course I should stay calm and model appropriate behaviour for my children. What on Earth else would I do? But my first teaching practice rapidly disavowed me of the notion this was going to be easy. I suddenly realised just how hard it is to stay calm when you are surrounded by the clamour of 30 small human beings. And that this is especially hard on days when the children are being, shall we say, ‘difficult’. As soon as I was actually faced with challenging behaviour in a classroom, I felt my voice rising and getting squeaky, my heart pumping, and my palms sweating. Even though I knew I was meant to look cool and calm, I found it nigh on possible. I didn’t quite turn green and pop the buttons off my shirt, but it wasn’t far off.

Being a teacher is an odd mix of the emotional and the rational. You care deeply, instinctively about your children, but you spend a lot of the time fighting your emotional reactions to them. When a child misbehaves, or is rude, or defiant, the ‘fight or flight’ response kicks in. We want to do one of two things: react angrily, or run away. We cannot flee, so all our instincts tell us to fight back. But as the adult we must model appropriate behaviour, not join in with the children like some kind of giant tantruming toddler. It is reassuring to ask your teacher colleagues whether they have ever ‘lost it’ in their classrooms, because the answer, invariably, is ‘yes’. Most of us have raised our voices, said something we later came to regret, or reacted harshly to a child without taking the circumstances into account. It is normal; it just isn’t terribly useful.

Over the years I have picked up some great ways to deal with the emotional reactions that are part and parcel of being a teacher. (This is not to say that I always manage to do it, just that I am more aware of how it can be done.) It helps a lot if you remember to breathe, to take a moment before you react to any problems. Ask yourself: is anybody going to die if I do not deal with this instantly? If the answer is no, spend a bit of time getting yourself sorted before you deal with your children. Our voices often betray our emotions, so learn how to use a ‘robot voice’ when you deal with stressful situations. Scrub all the emotion and tone out of your voice and use a calm, quiet, monotone. This has a calming effect, both on you and the children.

It helps a lot once you realise that your children’s behaviour is not about you, but about them: that it is more sensible to feel pity, rather than anger. Create an internal ‘script’ to use at the most stressful moments, particularly when dealing with behaviour. The language of choice makes a great starting point: “You have a choice. You can choose behaviour X and all will be well. Unfortunately, if you choose behaviour Y, there will be a consequence.” Learn to forgive yourself when things go wrong, rather than dwelling endlessly on these moments. Be willing to apologise as well, when appropriate. Your children will respect you more, not less, if you do.

In the toughest situations, at times of anger or despair, my favourite ‘stay calm’ technique has frequently stopped me from turning into the Incredible Hulk. Simply look away from the mayhem and out of the classroom window, and remind yourself: there is a world out there.