What I Learnt at School: Mackenzie Crook

Ever since the police were called to investigate a cache of ‘stolen diamonds’ he’d hidden in the school pond, Mackenzie Crook hasn’t been able to resist a treasure hunt...

Where did you go to school and was it a mostly positive experience?

I went to primary school and then grammar school in Dartford, Kent. I absolutely adored primary school – I had a great time. Then I went to an all boys grammar school. The first couple of years were all right, but I quickly got bored. I didn’t find it an inspiring place. They didn’t even have an art department and there was no drama at all, so we had to go to the girls school up the road if we wanted to do creative subjects. I didn’t enjoy it, no.

How would you describe the environment? Were you doing endless sums and spellings?

It seems strange when I look back on it – a different age. I know it was the last century, but it feels like it was one hundred years ago. Compared to my children’s experience of schooling it’s almost Dickensian! It was full of teachers who were wholly uninspiring – musty old blokes smoking pipes in class. I don’t think it was their calling to be teachers.

How did you respond to the boredom? Did you cause mischief?

The frustration inspired me to escape from that world and find more creative outlets. I was never a trouble maker, but I found ways to amuse myself. I produced comic books and cartoons and got involved in various practical jokes. There was one big hoax in particular. I volunteered with a few others to clean out the school fish pond, which had been neglected for years. I came up with a scheme to put ‘stolen diamonds’ in a tin with a note from a gang of ‘diamond smugglers’and leave it in the pond for someone to discover. When it was found, the police were called and the situation escalated. It went on for years but I didn’t admit to it until the last day of term – I wanted to keep the mystery going. But by the time I did the ‘big reveal’ no one cared anymore. If I had timed it better, I would have been hailed as a hero.

What gave you the idea to hide diamonds in the school pond?

I had a book called Great Hoaxes Of Our Time that made me think I could do something to make my school days more exciting. I did some odd things. I photocopied one of my teacher’s pack lunches every day, but I can’t remember why. I would make copies of his sandwiches and keep them all in a binder. He had pretty much the same thing to eat each day.

What was in the comic books you made?

We had a notebook that we were supposed to record homework in. I turned mine into an entertaining read that would be passed around the class. It was all caricatures of the teachers and little sketches – one or two frame cartoons. I’ve seen one quite recently and it’s pretty cringey stuff. But you can see how my drawing improves from one book to another.

Where you a good student?

I did quite well in my GCSEs, but when I started A Levels I couldn’t wait to get out and start doing something. I thought I was going to be an illustrator because I spent my whole time being told how good I was at drawing. But when it came to it, I didn’t get into art college – nobody at school had trained me how. My portfolio was sorely lacking and the college just wasn’t interested. I had a very illustrative style – it was very straightforward. I wasn’t being experimental; I didn’t have sketch books full of life drawings. I had to rethink and it was a bit of a shock.

But even though you didn’t get into art school and went on to become a successful actor, you continued to draw?

Yes. Drawing is something I think I’ll always do – and I’ve illustrated my own children’s books.

Your most recent book, The Journals of Benjamin Tooth, follows an 18th century boy on his search for a treasure that will grant eternal youth – which, he discovers later, belongs to sprites living in secret on Windvale Moor. Does the book’s subject hark back to your own childhood interests?

It’s something that’s only occurred to me now – that I’ve had a lifelong interest in things buried and treasure. I’m writing a series at the moment for TV about metal detecting enthusiasts so there’s obviously something going on! I’ve also hidden a silver statue of a Windvale sprite somewhere in the UK. Children can use clues in the book to discover its location. It’s an unashamed rip off of Kit William’s Masquerade – a children’s book from the 80s. I always loved that idea.

The book is darkly comic and includes many 18th century ailments with amusing names. Is that a good reflection of your own sense of humour?

Kids love gross-out stuff. They want to hear the gory details. There’s a lot of death in the book, and of course there was a lot more death around in the 18th century, so people could be quite flippant about it. Kids are intrigued and fascinated by that. I found a document that contained a list of weekly deaths in London around the time of the plague – ridiculous sounding things. People died of the ‘bending disease’ or ‘leg sweats’ – they were real ailments. Although I’m not sure now which are real which I’ve made up.

How easy will it be for children to find the location of your hidden treasure?

I’ve no idea. I didn’t want to make it too complicated, but I didn’t want it to be so obvious that it would all be over within a couple of days of publication. I literally have no idea of whether or not I’ve hidden the clues too deeply. It remains to be seen.

The Journals of Benjamin Tooth is published by Faber and Faber. Entries guessing the location of the silver statue can be made online up until 10th March - benjamintooth.co.uk.