Supporting girls with absent fathers

At primary school, it can be difficult to spot girls who are suffering because Dad is not around. But without support, they may be storing up problems for later life, says Louie Werth...

Father absence is often thought of as a ‘boy problem’. There is, perhaps, a silent assumption that boys are hugely disadvantaged by father absence because they lose their male role model, and then walk into a ‘feminised’ school environment. Daughters, it’s assumed, are not so affected; they still have Mum at home and a swathe of female teachers to act as ‘role models’. But surely being a gender role model is only part of the parent package? Such a narrow view of fatherhood is not only false, it causes us to forget the potential effects of father absence on girls.

However, while it is important to remember that both boys and girls are affected by paternal absence, we should keep in mind that the two sexes react to this experience in very different ways. At primary school, boys are prone to externalise their emotions through disruptive behaviour and academic decline. Girls, on the other hand, are more likely to feel a strong sense of personal rejection and, as a result, develop a range of issues – such as internalising strong feelings of abandonment, unworthiness, anxiety and shyness. They may also withdraw socially. 

It is this difference that’s crucial to the role of the school. The present system used for identifying children who are experiencing emotional issues is that of teacher referral. It’s a logical approach: the teacher sees a pupil with an issue and refers him to internal services, who in turn will work with the child. From here, if necessary, he may be referred to external services. The problem is studies show teachers are not as adept at identifying issues that have been internalised. This is common sense. The boy who shouts at the teachers, who is violent towards other children, and who is making little academic progress is far easier to spot than the girl who is struggling with feelings of sadness and rejection.

We could also consider a more sinister spin on the issue of referrals: which of the two examples is most likely to affect whole class and individual attainment?

This is not a critique of teachers as much as the system. Many teachers would love to support both boys and girls facing emotional issues, but the ultimate question is raised – what is the purpose of a teacher: educator; social worker; or both? And if both, where do we draw the line? Who or what decides when an issue is referred and when it is left? Also, if statements and external support are only given in the most serious of cases, what value is there in seeking support for a girl who is academically succeeding, reasonably social, but struggling with emotional issues that are hard to quantify or link to damaging behaviour?

Unfortunately, internalised issues, when left unidentified and unsupported, can lead to serious behavioural difficulties. At primary-school age, girls often react to father absence by internalising their emotions; however, at secondary school, behaviour becomes externalised. This can include early engagement in sexual activity, pregnancy and drug use, with girls who have experienced father absence also being more prone to developing long-term psychological issues. Of course, each girl is different, but there does seem to be a relationship between girls’ experiences of father absence and externalised behaviours later in life. 

Could it be that a lack of identification and targeted support for girls who internalise their feelings in response to father absence is resulting in problems later down the line? I think it could be. We need to reassess referral systems in school, ensuring our measures for identification and support don’t only kick in when behaviour or attainment is dropping. More importantly, we need to remember the broader role of fathers – Dad is not just a gender role model for his sons, he means a lot to his daughters too. As a result, his absence can affect both.

I recently went back to my old secondary school to teach an RE lesson, during which I was asked to do a typical ‘I worked hard at school and this is where I am now’ spiel. As part this, I mentioned I was presenting on the issue of absent fathers at an upcoming education conference. The moment the title left my lips, the class exploded into discussion. The girls didn’t need me to tell them their experiences of father absence are often overlooked. They remembered.

About the author

Louie Werth graduated from CCCU with a first in Childhood Studies. He has worked as a Research Assistant through the University’s internship scheme and is now studying for an Early Years PGCE and Masters course at Cambridge University.