Secure attachment

Does widespread, wrap-around childcare promoted by the state lead to poor classroom behaviour? Dr Neil Hawkes believes so, and that values-based education can help us to fill the emotional gap...

“I’m not paid to love my pupils, I’m paid to teach them.”

I remember overhearing this comment in a staffroom on a visit to a primary school. I would be curious to know your response to
such a remark. Do you think it is our job as teachers to love our pupils?

My opinion is that it all depends on what we mean by the term love. For me, the love shown by a teacher may be best summed up by
a powerful expression first used by the psychologist Carl Rogers, who said that we should have unconditional positive regard for
everyone. This allows the adult to create a meaningful connection with the child, whilst maintaining clear boundaries for
acceptable behaviour. Simply put, it means that teachers should never tell off children, only their behaviour.

But even if unconditional positive regard is at the heart of good relationships at your school, does our education system
inadvertently create conditions that make it difficult for teachers to establish appropriate loving relationships with pupils?
Far from loving children, may we be unintentionally emotionally abusing them? What do I mean? Let me give you an example.

This term, I have been supporting the development of values-based schools in the town of Skövde in Sweden. Chatting with early
years teachers, I learned they believe there is a growing number of parents who find it difficult to fully engage with the role
of being a parent. They explained that, about 30 years ago, the Swedish government began to encourage more women into work to
boost the economy. To bring this about, it was agreed to state fund a pre-school system that would look after young children.
Currently, some children are in wrap-around care from 6am until 10pm, being looked after by a team of adults.

There had been general agreement that this was a great idea, but there were unintended consequences. Skövde teachers told me
that Sweden currently has a generation of adults who were cared for in early years settings by a range of people, but their own
parents had limited involvement with them. Some of these people tell teachers that they are unsure how to parent their children.

Teachers notice the unintended consequence of this situation is that some children are not developing secure attachment with one
or two significant adults. Secure attachment develops from the physical, loving contact established through parenting, which
meets our basic human need to feel loved (see the work of John Bowlby). If children do not feel this secure attachment then they
desperately search for recognition – often through inappropriate behaviour.

Now, think of a child you are concerned about because of poor behaviour. My understanding is this may be because he or she has
failed to make a secure attachment to an adult before he or she is three years of age. Until this age, events that we experience
become part of our somatic (body) memory. The consequence is that we don’t recall them later in life but they remain remembered
at an unconscious level. Swedish teachers are finding that they have to try to compensate for the lack of love (secure attachmen
) from a prime caregiver. They say that it is becoming increasingly difficult to do this as children are faced with so many
different carers and find it challenging to form trusting relationships.

We in the UK lag behind Sweden in terms of the development of universal, wrap-around childcare. However, recent governments of
all political persuasions advocate comprehensive childcare. If you are a teacher, you may be beginning to see the result, as
have your Swedish counterparts. Do you notice that children who have ‘too much’ childcare display inappropriate behaviour, poor attention and a reluctance to form relationships with adults – all aspects that in my view will depress academic and social standards. Therefore, children who struggle to form secure attachments in their early years need love from their teachers.

I believe that to promote mental health and wellbeing we, as teachers, need to work with parents to establish loving, safe, relationships with consistent boundaries for children – thus forming the bedrock for them to grow as confident, compassionate human beings.

About the author

Dr Neil Hawkes is a teacher and founder of the international Values Education Trust (IVET)