From exclusion to inclusion

Cath Hunter describes how play therapy enabled one troubled Y6 pupil to identify and express difficult feelings about his father, transforming his educational journey as a result...

Some children in primary schools can struggle to manage being in an educational environment for the whole day, and clearly demonstrate this through their behaviour. Josh, aged 11, was one such pupil; when he was referred for play therapy he was frequently challenging school staff, refusing to work and disrupting his class. He was lashing out at other children, often when unprovoked, and had poor peer relationships. At times he would run out of the classroom and hide around the school. Staff members were becoming increasingly concerned about Josh’s safety and the emotional wellbeing of the other children in his class, who were being adversely affected by his behaviour. He was attending school part time and was finding this hard.

There were difficulties at home, too – Josh’s mum was a single parent who had separated from his dad when he was seven, after experiencing years of domestic violence. Josh had not had any contact with his father since then, and his four older sisters were all in their twenties. His mum shared with me that she was finding his angry outbursts unmanageable and was worried that he would soon be excluded from school.

Working with Josh

Initially, I spoke to Josh about his difficulties at home and school and offered him
weekly play therapy sessions. I talked about him seeing his dad hitting his mum, acknowledging how terrifying this must have been, and how hard for him no longer to see his dad. I said that sometimes things can happen that make us have lots of feelings like anger and sadness, and that he could bring these to our sessions if he wanted to.

The relief on Josh’s face when I attempted to put his experience into words for him was enormous and he readily engaged with the play therapy. At first he was wary and mistrustful of me, and kept trying to persuade me to have longer sessions or let him take something home with him. This was an important testing opportunity for Josh as he was able to see if I could be trusted and would stick to my boundaries around him.

Play therapy can help children to explore and make sense of their feelings and experiences so they are able to work through them and change their behaviour. Josh’s initial sessions with me featured play about aggression, dominance and control. There was often a powerful dinosaur that manipulated and bullied the others until it finally got its comeuppance when they all ganged up against him and made him leave. This symbolic play enabled Josh to revisit the experience of his dad living in and eventually leaving the family home, in a more positive and accepting way. Josh gradually became able to share his worries about his dad and his fears that he would grow up showing similar behaviour (“Everyone says I look like him but I don’t want to be like him.”) We explored his feelings and I suggested I could talk to his mum about this so that she could also support him. He willingly agreed.

Working with mum

A fundamental aspect of play therapy is the parent or parents’ willingness to work with the therapist and attend regular review meetings along with supporting the child through any changes he is making. It involves sharing a full history of the child’s life to enable the play therapist to gain an understanding of the issues with which he may be dealing.

I had regular meetings with Josh’s mum to support her with his behaviour at home and help her understand what he was trying to communicate by it. She agreed that Josh did physically resemble his dad and that at times this was hard for her, as he was a present reminder of the difficult relationship she had with him. She shared her feelings of guilt that it had taken her a long time to separate from his dad and how she could see that this had a negative impact on Josh. She felt she hadn’t bonded with Josh in the same way as she had with her daughters and suspected he was aware of this. I acknowledged that it had been an extremely hard time for her and that she had needed to be focused on the physical safety of all family members at this time.

We spent time discussing positive aspects of Josh’s personality – this can be challenging to do when there are many negative aspects on a daily basis, but it helped that I could share my experiences of him. Josh told me he loved cooking so I encouraged her to spend some time in the kitchen with him and she agreed to do a cooking activity at home with him each week. Josh was delighted with this and discussed how they would plan what to cook and then shop together for the ingredients. This time together was clearly beneficial for both of them as his mum reported that his angry outbursts had lessened and she was enjoying spending time with him.

Working with the school

Alongside working with Josh’s mum I also talked to his teacher each week to suggest strategies she could try with him in class and to develop her understanding of his experiences and how they had impacted on his behaviour. This information was shared with consent from his mum and in discussion with Josh about what I was planning to say to his teacher. This is a crucial aspect of the trusting relationship that I had worked hard to develop with him, and I regularly reassured him that I did not share with anyone what he actually did in our sessions, although he could if he chose to do so.

This weekly review enabled his class teacher to become more confident at identifying the triggers for his behaviour and to understand that at times he was showing the opposite of what he was feeling. For example, he would respond with “I’m not bothered” when faced with doing something that scared him or he felt unconfident about. This deeper knowledge of him enabled her to support him and his feelings more easily. I implemented a training session on attachment for the school staff and used Josh as an example to enable them to empathise with and comprehend the devastating impact that traumatic experiences within the family can have on a child’s ability to engage with school and access their learning. This resulted in all school staff having a more positive approach to Josh, enabling him to feel happier and settled at school.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?

Josh attended play therapy sessions on a weekly basis for nearly a year. He worked incredibly hard, as did his mum, class teacher and the whole staff team. Ultimately, Josh was able to understand and talk about his experiences and recognise and express his feelings more easily. His peer relationships improved as he felt better about himself and more accepted and cared for at home and school. He did well in his SATS and
was back in school full time after a term. He is now in Year 8 at secondary school, is doing well and wants to be chef when he leaves mandatory education.